THESE WALLS

something missing
left behind
search in circles
every time i try
i've been here before
i've seen you before
i can't escape walikng down these halls
hard to find a place where there are no walls
and no lines begging me to cross
only straight ahead better move along
like clockwork
i commit the crime
i pretend to be
everything they like
i'll trade everything for this
why do i read the writing on the wall?
i won't lose my place in line
i've been here too long
i've spent so much time..

LIFE...

life is short... enjoy while you can... appreciate people that care for you.... that love you the way you are... don't regret anything that's been done. there is always a reason for things that happen around you.. a man goes leaving behind his legacy... i sure hope i have one... but maybe a bit too late for that.. but life goes on...... until it ends....

SHARING.....

one nite, i called a friend that i haven't in ages.... around 4-5 years... i've not been a good friend to anyone... i've been hiding over my inferiority complex of what happened to me... the trauma of my past life still haunts me... but hiding never did any good... earlier this year, i made a promise to myself... to stop runnning away... no more running... face your inner deamons.. mano el mano... face to face... staring right into the eyes... last month... i manage to face it.... it felt gooooodd....
it felt even better after i called my long lost friend... now i know why nothing should be kept inside for too long... you'll end up like a living time bomb... waiting to explode... thanks to my friend, no more i felt that way... thanks a lot... i really appreciate it... the burden on my shoulder has lessen... and i hope before i go... it will completely disappear... so that i won't be a burden to the people who care and love me.... thanx for understanding... thanx for caring.... thanx for loving.... thanx for accepting me the way i am... till next time... me out.........

HOPE.... IS THERE HOPE?????

what is hope? do you believe in hope? is there any such thing as hope? is hope a shortcut to disappointment? even i dunno the answer... would there be any hope if you believe in hope? how many times have you been disappointed with what you hope for? living with hope or hope for living? just had this in my mind for a long time.... still no answer for it.... just a phase...

hahahahaha

me me me

thanks a lot for the tag aie..... banyak no soalan ko yea... here goes...

me self.....
[01] Real name: Mohd. Niezam
[02] Nickname: BAJAN, Zam, Ijam, etc
[03] Maritial stats: still wondering.... hmmmm... soon i hope....
[04] Zodiac Sign: capricorn
[05] Gender: absolutely male
[06] Age: 26
[07] High School: Sultan Abdul Hamid College, SM Sultan Salahuddin Abdul Aziz Shah.
[08] College: UTM
[09] Height: 178 kot...
[10] Weight: 96 kot...
[11] Do you like yourself: I do
[12] Piercings: use to...
[13] Right or left: both
[14] Are you a freak: occasionally
[15] Hair: Still there... but going...
[16] Skin: fair, i think... (suma kata aku puteh)
[17] Allergy: org perasan mcm best...
[18] What are you doing now: jawab mende alah ni laa. apa lagi???
[19] What will you doing 1 hour later: Sleep
[20] What will you doing 10 years later: enjoying life...

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: anywhere...
[22] Siblings(included you): tyranic trio
[23] Eldest: me... alpha...
[24] Youngest: tahfiz
[25] Love/hate your family: it goes both ways....

THE LOVE
[26] You found your other half: yup
[27] If yes, who is he/she: cikgu...
[28] If no, who you want him/her to be: dunno la...
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: huuh... must you bring that up... dah x ingat dah....
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): naturally...
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): yup....
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: which one?
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: ...
[34] Ever argue with your other half: regularly...
[35] You with your other half since: late 2007..
[36] Are you straight/gay: I'm gay to be straight
[37] Reasons you love your other half: accepting me the way i am...
[38] You and your other half in which stage: lepas ni jumpa keluarga lak.... gerun....
[39] You wooed him/her or he/she wooed you: both... love at second sight... honest...
[40] Ever think of marrying him/her: honestly... yes....!!

THE FRIENDS
[41] Your first best friend: shah reza bin mohd salleh... lost contact dah....
[42] Your first enemy: a blood sucking friend... wonder if he is still alive?
[43] The friends you love the most: ramai weh... they know themselves... being there when i was down....
[44] The enemy you hate the most(1 only): hate will consume you...
[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: everyone has thier quality...
[46] Your most handsome boy friend: <- Gay question
[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: snobbish
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: mcm best
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: yup...
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: Badd, Aie, Dzul...remember our nights together.....
[51] If your friend backstabbed you: cut the artery... bleed to death...
[52] If your friend betray you: cut the artery... peel your skin, rub salt on it... give you a slow death....
[53] If your friend woo your lover: i'll be jason....
[54] If your friends fall in love with you: flattered...
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: thats nice...
[56] Are you a good student: Sometimes
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: Sometimes
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: pn. salwa
[59] Always late to school/college: sometimes
[60] Your class: havoc
[61] You love your seniors: have history with seniors...hehehe....
[62] Senior who you love the most: hehehehe.... (aie jangan jawab!!!)
[63] Your classmates good/bad: The good, the bad, the ugly
[64] Excellent result classmate: dah jadi dr trainee kat ireland..
[65] Laziest classmate: me....
[66] Smart people: taken advantage by politicians...
[67] Stupid people: politicians...
[68] Good looking people: perasan... padahal kosong..
[69] Ugly people: humble...
[70] Funny people: the best!!
[71] Cute people: adorable and humble
[72] Bad people: Everybody has it inside them
[73] Honest people: almost extinct....
[74] Acting people: will fall....
[75] You are what kind of people: hmmm... who am i to judge???
[76] Lip or eyes: read through the eyes...
[77] Hugs or kisses: both... [78] Shorter or taller: not an issue...
[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: Depends on situation
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: who looks at those?
[81] Listener or talker: depend on situation...
[82] Romantic or rich: Cant win em all
[83] Good husband or Good Father: both... i hope...

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: <30
[85] Numbers of kid(s): bergantung pada rezeki...
[86] Career: management..
[87] Salary: Just nice
[88] Retirement age: got eh?
[89] Properties value: Cant decide
[90] Wishes: happiness....

SHOULD I QUIT?????

my job, i mean....
this raya really sucks!!!
xbleh cuti raya.... gaduh ngan store director...( he started it!!!)
no appreciation for work done........
no social life......
i really feel lonely inside...
but i'm afraid actually....
i used to love this job....
lost the passion...
how? what? why?
tensed all out...
what should i do?
but i have a contract to obligh....
hmmmmm....
HELP??

Name 5 people you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questionnaire underneath until you write the names of all 5 people. This is a lot funnier if you write the names randomly. No Cheating!!

no 1 : aie

no 2 : badd

no 3 :tym

no 4 :b

no 5 : saab


Question 1 : How do you meet 1?
we studied together at a far away galaxy known as pongsu seribu......

Question 2 : On the Scale od 1 - 10, how you rate your relationship with no 1??
got rating eh???? since we're bothways, i'll give it a 15

Question 3 : How long have you known number 4?
Since 2007....

Question 4 : How do you know number 3?
since learning in the faraway galaxy....

Question 5 : How do you number5 ?
through the phone.... love her voice... sexxay!!!!

Question 6 : A Fact about number 1?
indulges in food.... like most of us....

Question 7 : Who is no 4 going out with?
me of course

Question 9 : Would you live with number 3?
cannot laaa.... sumbang mahram.....

Question 10 : What do you like about no 2?
Being psychotic and spontanious...

Question 11 : Do you miss number 5?
yup....

Question 12 : Would you make out with number 4?
but of course.... hehehe....

Question 13 : What is your opinion of number 2?
big guy with small hands and feet.... psychotic and mind boggling.... but a great friend!

Question 14 : What is your fave memory with number 5?
hanging and talking with her...

Question 15 : What would you do if number 1 going out with number 2?
nothing.... just a certain missy would go on a rampage

Question 16 : ever had a long conversation with number 5?
A long long long one

Question 17 : have you ever slept at number 2's house?
Does opening a locked door count?

Question 18 : Do you hang out with number 3 often?
Long time ago, she went down under, leaving me....

Question 19 : Who do you known the longest?
No 1... my roomate in 2000

Question 20 : How often do you talk to number 1?
just had one

Question 21 : What about number 2?
also, just called him

Question 22 : Have you ever thought 3 more than a friend?
do you understand the term of sumbang mahram? duh!!??

Question 23 : May be you want to go out for a date with number 5?
hope she's available.... :P

Question 24 : Do you dream about number 2?
muntah berdarahhhhh!!!!!!

Question 25 : What did number 4 did to you that you never forget?
loving me the way i am....

Question 26 : What have you done to number 1 that he never forget?
lots and lots of things we have done together... wonder if he forgets....

Question 27 : What is number 3's hobby?
Jamming in the bathroom!!! hahahahahaha!!!! in the shower!!!!1

HMMMMM?????

5 tabiat buruk waktu sekolah....

1. suka duduk kat belakang... sampai sekarang pun tak tahu kenapa.... misteri ni...
2. suka melukis atas meja... macam best jadik artis jalanan...
3. baca komik waktu kelas sejarah... bosan dengan fakta....
4. suka meniru dan bagi orang tiru homework... biasala tu... nak idup...
5. kuar rehat paling awal, tapi masuk paling lewat...... hehehehehe... dah kata prefect....

3 favourite subjek.....

1. kemahiran hidup.... suka kerja dengan gunakan tangan... sampai sekarang pun... hands on baby!!!
2. fizik.... sebab suka perah otak.... ada kalanya sampai menyampah, banyak sangat formula..
3. english... love to talk...

3 subjek kurang gemar

1. biology.... aku terlalu confident ngan subjek sbb aku dapat a1 dalam trial tapi dapat c5 dalam actual SPM.... cis..... sungguh hampa...
2. sejarah... walaupun aku dapat a1, tapi banyak sangat fakta..... tahun.....
3. bm?.... terlalu berbunga puisinya... maaf...

menarik?

dapat cikgu praktikal yang amatlah lawa dan manja dengan anak2 muridnya sampai semua takleh fokus kat pengajaran... suma berkhayal.... termasuklah aku ni... sampai fail ujian bulanan... hehehe... sekali tu ajelah...

paling suka...

ragbi - a gentleman's sport....

anda xbleh hidup tanpa....

air...

setiap malam sebelum tidur, siapakah yang anda hubungi.....

b kesayanganku.....

*wahai teman2ku, maafkan aku menyepikan diri buat sementara... bz nak open store baru kat tropicana damansara..... bukan xnak online.... harap maklum.....*

RAMADHAN

this is the holy month for muslims..... it is also known as the festive month of ramadhan... fasting during the day and performing the terawih prayers during the night.... hmmm... how many of you really performs all the above accordingly..? no hard feelings... just an enquiry... for me, i admit... i'm not perfect... i fast during the day... but at night, i can hardly perform my terawih... either i'm working or too tired to do anything and just after isya', i go to bed... but sometimes i do perform my terawikh, but at the serenity of my own home... i just do what i can... wish i could do more....

AS PER DEMANDED......

ok... i've been tagged.... so here's 15 wierd things about me.....
or i think so it's wierd.... duh..... thanks a lot lttl miss aussie.....

1. i can talk, i can give speeches, become an mc, anything in public..... i have this confidence in public.... BUT.... i can never sing in public... my face would turn totally red... i totally cannot sing in public.... damn!!!

2. i love cooking!!!! corny as it seems... but i just simply love it.... but there's a catch, i cannot it much of what i eat.... just cannot... xbleh telan... i dunno why... wierdly, even my mum is the same. just can't simply enjoy what i cook...

3. i have three best friends... two guys and one lady. one guy is tall, but with small feet.... the other, is a chelsea freak (so you've got a blue car.... huh!).... the lady is persummably down under and below radar coverage..... literally....

4. since from secondary school, i've always been an agony aunt to most of my friends. they tell their problems, and i listen. it's an honour actually having people around you trust you with their problems and share the burden together to ease one's shoulder... in fact, i have the best shoulders to cry on.... thanks for the compliment.... (from who i wonder????)

5. for crying out loud!!!! i used to be a BUTCHER.... not a cook... but now i am a cook.... heheheheh.... and a baker also...

6. lots of my friends don't even know my real name..... semua panggil bajan... cis ko aie!!!! sedap nama mak aku bagi... nama ko bagi lak yang popular..... nama sebenar aku.. mohd niezam.... ingat yea semua.....

7. i indulge into books nowadays... love reading them till i fall aaleep. now i'm reading mystic river by dennis lehane.

8. i love to incoperate songs into whats happening around me. what i'm listening is showing how my feelings are. i'm not good in saying how i feel... but it shows through the songs i hear... but mostly i love to listen to particular songs of a group, e.g: jet (look what you've done), stereophonics (san francisco/have a nice day), verve pipe (freshmen), bubba sparxxx (back in the mud), placebo(over me), mansun, (wide open space), diluted pupil (can't live my life this way) but there are my favourite groups, such as incubus, silverchair, soad, nin, marilyn, slipknot, korn, weezer, blur, oasis, soundgarden, audioslave, foo fighters, hoobastank, redsuit apperatus, breaking benjamin. powerman 5000, disturbed, queen of the damned, mudvayne, etc.etc. tak abih nanti senarai aku nih!!!!

9. i tend to back down when i feel down, silence myself somewhere... a good friend of mine knows this about me.... not running away, but i need peace of mind. find some serenity and soloumn. i talk a lot but, but when i hit the ground, i keep quite and gather the pieces of me and do some soul searching... it's really because i don't really cough up my problems to others, i may listen to other people's problem, but i don't do the same to others.. just can't....

10. maybe lots of you know already, i'm hell good of a massuer... learnt it from my maktok.. seronok tengok orang kuar angin lepas urut... sampaikan bilik hostel dulu macam rumah urut, bau minyak panas..... kenangan dulu2.... tul x aie?

11. even though i'm a big guy, i can swim really well... believe me... i love swimming..., but since going into the retail line... never had the time to do so... been busy all the time... wish i had the time enjoy my passion... maybe one day though....

12. i have this weird habit of pinching my elbow when i'm nervous.. it helps me relax in some way... i don't know why, but i still do.... when nobody's looking... heheh....

13. ok, i admit it, it was my ex-girlfriend that little miss aussie said that kelar-kelar herself.... i still don't know why.... finally that's out of my chest... it really burdened me.... i became a bit phobia with girls... but thats the past... i hope it doesn't happen ever again.... traumatic for me... enough is enough.

14. i once had a stalker for gods sakes....! been bugging me for years... been calling my home and admitted that she wanted to marry me... this girk that i only met once at a function, kept calling me since... i even had to block her number in my hp, but no avail. she simply bought a new number and started again... but it's been a while that she hasn't called...( a year i think). maybe her senses got it right... duh...

15. i was always tagged the innocent guy... hehehehe... i still don't know why... maybe it's because of my face?... huh... boy are they wrong... every one has a dark past... so do i... but i don't think i'm gonna tell. maybe a few of you guys know... and it should remain that way... i've made a lot of mistakes in the past.... i've been up, and i've been down. i would do crazy things in the past... but thats all over now. going through the picks and thorns of life really thought me a lesson... you only know who your true friends are when your down, and they'll always be around to lend thier support and a helping hand... guys and gals, you know who you are... thanks for the precious friendship that i hope remain till the end.... thanks for the support all these years... and thanks for giving me hope that life is worth it....

enough said....
me out......
life is short, but worth everything bad or good.
it's a journey that never has a destination....
thanks me lads and lass...

this week....

been busy lately. so many level of bosses visiting the store. week by week. everyone has their own agenda... been working 2 weeks without rest. yesterday, the fatigue really caught up with me... couldn't walk properly... had to sleep in the car before going home... man i wish i could quit.. the job is totally taking a toll on my body... maybe it's time for me to move on to another career.... but to what?.... we'll just have to wait and see....
enough said... just wanna relax today... too tired to go anywhere.. got a meeting today, but feeling like don't wanna attend it... enough complaining..... just been out of sort lately.... frustrated i had to miss my friends wedding just because of had to do my bosses work that was due that day... i couldn't even pass the present i brought for her... soo sorry ina!!!!
too cool down, i turn to music... it keeps me in touch with myself. it relaxes me. hope to see my peeps and my love soon...

island in the sun
pork n beans
perfect situation
buddy holly
keep fishing
pink triangle

i really love weezer...
enjoy the nerds....
cool nerds....

till hearing from me again... soon i hope...

creme de la creme

french word for best of the best... been trying to put it as my life philosophy... but it ain't just working.... i can try, but there are many others that are better off. proof eh? among my best lads, i earn the least, working in retail, not balance social life(dead actually), still backdated in knowledge, cannnot further my studies... damn... huh? life sure sucks...
changes.... of what? hmmmmm....... life goes on.....
i can' live my life this way...

ciao, peeps...

I can cook?

hmmm, never thought of myself as a cook... an eater? of course... i enjoy indulging in the finest food offered... just look at my size.... hehehehe.... eat while you can... hmmm, cooking.... never was a master but only for myself.... but recently i cooked for around 50 people at least, not once but 5 times in a row.... ranging from local lauk kenduri to authentic italian pastas... even croissants.... never had the confidence to cook... although during the early parts of the year, a mum of my best friend, called me a chef, because of my kitchen suit although i was a master butcher.... i'm really digging into it.. it felt good cooking... i'm getting this from my mom... as she used to be a caterer... digging recepies from her.... family secret dishes.... yumm..... long live the food...... aye!!!!

mudvayne not falling

mudvayne cradle

ciao y'all...

I can cook?

BACK FROM THE SUNNY (not so la) BEACH

just back from cherating!!!!!!!!
took some time off from the designated hell (work).. had loads of fun there...
the weather was purrrrfect... sunny but not so hot..
lodged in at impiana resort. did some bbqing. as usual, as the sous chef, i did the marination... feeling like jamie oliver, but larger, heheheheheh..... the waves were really big! felt like going surfing.... the sand was white... built giant sand castles..... man it was thrilling!!!!
should go there again....

RELAX................

ciao....

Back To School

funny thing though, when we were in school, we all kinda hated it.. some of the teachers... subjects taught... the curiculum activities.... etc.. lately i got a chance to go back to school... part of the company's way of giving back to the people.... society.... also known as community service... at first, i kinda hesitated, but after being brainwashed by my head honcho...... (serabai)..... i went with a heavy heart.... ( tak ikhlas lah ni)

when i reached the school, everyone, i mean every person in the school (i think) greeted us....
man, what a pleasure.....

seeing the girls and boys enjoying our company, i felt proud(kembang2) and enjoyed myself...
i became a kid again(mentally). went to class... played around with the teachers.... had to stand in class.... ( a bit too naughty)....hehehehehe....

i really missed those days... panjat pagar ponteng kelas.... kena kejar ngan guru disiplin.... hehe...
hisap rokok sembunyi belakang toilet..... hahahahahahaha.....

i really miss those days....... ahaks!!!

IT'S BEEN AWHILE

and it' been awhile
since i could hold my head up high
and it's been awhile
since i first saw you
and its been a while since i could stand on my own two feet again
and it's been awhile since i could call you

and everything i can't remember
as fucked up as it all may seem
the consequences that i've rendered
i've stretched myself beyond my means

and it's been awhile
since i can say that i wasn't addicted
and it's been awhile
since i can say i love myself as well
and it's been a while
since i've gone and fucked things up just like i always do
and it's been awhile
but all this shit seems to disappear when i'm with you

and everything i can't remember
as fucked up as it all may seem
the consequences that i've rendered
i've gone and fucked things up again

why must i feel this way?
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day!!

and its been a while
since i could look at myself staight
and it's been a while
since i said i'm sorry
and it's been a while
since i've seen the way the candle lights up your face
and it's been awhile
but i can still remember just the way you taste

and everything i can't remember
as fucked up as it all may seem to be
i know it's me
i cannnnot blame this on my father
he did the best he could for me

and it's been awhile
since i could hold my head up high
and it's been awhile
since i said i'm sorry

-everytime this song is heard by me, i just can't help but just to reflect back on my life..... it seems so related.. it's been a while.....

EXODUS

its been a while since i met most of my friends... only for a few exception... been buryin' myself with tonnes of work. can't seem to find the guts to meet them all. maybe coz i've been under achieving all this while.. i think i still do.. been behind everybody all this while... some of them accelerate right to the top.... but me.... been dwelling in the unknown territory... lost for those who unseek the unseekable and unknown... i do things unthinkable to release the anger and frustration to avoid losing my sanity.. i dunno whose been wondering my whereabouts or what i've been doing..... not that i am neglecting those who care but afraid to hope on who to rely on... life hasn't been easy on me... fair to say for everybody. this is a journey that never seem to end.. good or bad, everyone has to go through it, depends on our own will and wit to survived it in one piece or not.... enjoy life to the max..... just don't let the world bring you down.. only the stongest will survive.....

the beginnning.......